Hello All, Happy Sunday to you all! I love Sunday's, its my only day off, I get to sleep in, and lounge, and prep for yet another week, of busy, hard core, life altering working out, and classes. I just finished my 6th week here, I cant believe how fast its gone. Only 2 weeks left of being here at the camp and I just don't know how to feel about it? Its sad to leave behind this family Ive created, this new life, and scary thinking about entering back into the real world. I just don't know if I'm ready? I am going to try with all my might not to have FEAR because Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real, and I've lived in fear long enough, I lived in bondage long enough, I'm ready to to be free! Although, its a slow process Im better than before. I feel more alive, and happy than I have in a long time.
Every Friday at 1:15 all the stay over guests gather in the aerobics room with the trainers and we just kind refresh and connect, and we go around the room and share a victory that we've had this week. Most share of a physical battle they over came, or a hike they conquered that they didnt before, or that they ran on the treadmill. Then it came to me, I was the very last, and I was thinking and thinking and I was having a hard time coming up with something. I cant think for the life of me why? Then in a moment it came to me. I said "For me this week wasn't about what I conquered on the Hike or on the Elliptical, this week, I found beauty in who I've become, and who i'm becoming." That was a beautiful thing. I even made a trainer cry, that wasn't the plan though, she just felt so moved and so happy that I found that. I am very loved here, its amazing! I feel like this is where I belong, this is where I'll find my freedom. Thank you Jesus. Be encouraged by that, because weight loss isnt always just about the numbers, its about the feeling, about the heart behind your journey, its about becoming and transforming. Stay strong! Don't cheat yourself, and don't think you cant. I love you all. Be blessed.
p.s. I do have a bit of news, and when I am able to share it, I will. God is good.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
The Hardest Day of All!
Hello, I hope you are all doing well. As I write this today, I am just a little blue, my heart just isn't the same. Today, I had to say goodbye, the absolute worst word in the history of words. I hate goodbyes, I am no good at them. There are 4 woman who left this weekend from Fitness Ridge, my crew, my friends, my sisters, and now without them here, I feel a little emptier, a little sad. Although, we all made sure to stay in touch, to encourage, and to support one another, something about their absence that will make my remaining 3 weeks a little bit rougher. We called ourselves the 5 hearts, and we all seemed to beat a little faster, push a little stronger, laugh a little harder with one another around, I promised them to stay strong, to stay focused, and to do well, and thats what Im gonna do. So, to you Annie Sarmaroy, Ellen Zwarenstyen, Harmony Stillwell, and Rauni Malhi, I will always be grateful. Thanks for making me better, and helping me see my worth and potential. I LOVE YOU ALL! Now lets do this.
Ok, now that the sappy part is out of the way, I just wanted to share that this past week has been the best yet. My friend Ellen and I, re wrote the words to a a popular song by Cee Lo Green called "Forget You" on a 10 hour road trip last weekend. We wanted to do something special for the trainers, and so we made a song that included each of them and our stay here at the Ridge. Rauni, Ellen, and Annie, they were the dancers, and boy was it a fun week, trying to learn the words, and dances, in the midst of a 12 hr day. I wanted it to be good. They all thought I was a Nazi, for the practicing, haha! It paid off though, Friday night came went off without a hitch. We wore bright yellow hiking guide shirts, hats that the trainers all wear, and we went to town. How fun it was. All the trainers had their phones out recording, they were laughing and crying, and it wasnt even a sad song. They said they felt so blessed, and no one has ever done anything like that before at the ridge, so we made Ridge History, hahaha! I had a blast. A guests family member offered to pay for studio time and travel, if I ever wanted to sing professionally. I was so shocked by that, I never thought of singing as a career before, but you never know, I may have to take him up on that offer sometime. All in All it was a great week, until today, when the sadness hits of my friends gone, and new arrivals coming in. I know God is good, and He is going to bring new people into my life, that I will connect with and bond with. I'm so thankful for that.
My dad is coming to visit me today, and I couldnt be happier. He surprised me and is going to stay a night, and meet my new little world. I am thrilled. He is the greatest dad there ever was. I love him. Its been a beautiful, hard, life changing week. I love this place, and Im going to bring it back home with me. Continue to stay strong, say one positive thing about yourself a day, or one positive thing you accomplished that day, say it out loud and be proud of it. Blessings to you all.
Ok, now that the sappy part is out of the way, I just wanted to share that this past week has been the best yet. My friend Ellen and I, re wrote the words to a a popular song by Cee Lo Green called "Forget You" on a 10 hour road trip last weekend. We wanted to do something special for the trainers, and so we made a song that included each of them and our stay here at the Ridge. Rauni, Ellen, and Annie, they were the dancers, and boy was it a fun week, trying to learn the words, and dances, in the midst of a 12 hr day. I wanted it to be good. They all thought I was a Nazi, for the practicing, haha! It paid off though, Friday night came went off without a hitch. We wore bright yellow hiking guide shirts, hats that the trainers all wear, and we went to town. How fun it was. All the trainers had their phones out recording, they were laughing and crying, and it wasnt even a sad song. They said they felt so blessed, and no one has ever done anything like that before at the ridge, so we made Ridge History, hahaha! I had a blast. A guests family member offered to pay for studio time and travel, if I ever wanted to sing professionally. I was so shocked by that, I never thought of singing as a career before, but you never know, I may have to take him up on that offer sometime. All in All it was a great week, until today, when the sadness hits of my friends gone, and new arrivals coming in. I know God is good, and He is going to bring new people into my life, that I will connect with and bond with. I'm so thankful for that.
My dad is coming to visit me today, and I couldnt be happier. He surprised me and is going to stay a night, and meet my new little world. I am thrilled. He is the greatest dad there ever was. I love him. Its been a beautiful, hard, life changing week. I love this place, and Im going to bring it back home with me. Continue to stay strong, say one positive thing about yourself a day, or one positive thing you accomplished that day, say it out loud and be proud of it. Blessings to you all.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
It's the Fight of Your Life!
Hello all, I apologize for the late update. I got really busy this last week, with you know working out 7 hrs a day and then cherishing time with my friends who are leaving, I found a few minutes in my crazy schedule to give updates to all who may want them.
Last week was a great week! Honestly, its all a blur. I found myself excited for everyday, yes even with the 7 hrs of working out. You know whats so beautiful about those 7 hrs? I see myself growing every hour, and I am surrounded by an amazing group of people who understand my struggle, and were all cheering each other on, and laughing, we become one big family, and we leave no one behind. Every Wednesday we do this cardio class called Mountain. Its where you get on a cardio machine(Elliptical, Tread Mill, Bike) and you try to keep a steady pace, while increasing your incline every 3 minutes, and you do that 8-10 times, so by those high numbers you feel as though youre actually climbing a mountain. Wednesdays, are always rough days at the Ridge because you're tired, your muscles are fatigued, and sometimes you feel as though youve got nothing left to give. Then there is this moment, it feels unreal, im right in the middle of climbing the mountain, its the middle of the day and week, and I look down at my treadmill and I realize that im jogging on an incline of 7, jogging. Oh the smile that came over my face, was enough to light a cave in the desert. I was so HAPPY! I could not have done that a month ago. Praise God!
Friday came and we have graduation every friday, where we celebrate our week and our accomplishments, and we give praise to those who are leaving. Its over all a good time. Our guest services manager, her name is Danae came to join us, a beautiful woman, who is kind but a pistol, hard core, and genuine, and she told a story that hasn't left my mind since. She stood up voice shaky, demeanor soft and she just told us how we cant give up, we have to fight like hell for ourselves. We hear that here often, so it just felt like the same old thing, but as she proceeded to talk she told us how here beautiful, smart, talented, daughter with a husband and young child has brain cancer. As I watch her face soaken with tears, and heart broken the fierceness in her voice, was enough to make me want to go and find a cure for her daughter. She said that we are all special, and worth it, and we have the chance to fight for our lives, and we should because we are able, over all healthy, and her daughter is sick, and becoming more immobile and she is fighting with all she has in her to LIVE. It moved me so much. I dont have cancer, I am an able body and I want to do more, see more, love more. It was an inspiring talk. I want to FIGHT, I need to. IF you think of it pray for this young woman, she is only 25, and has a lot to live for. Danae told me the Dr.'s said theres not much they can do. Its quality of life not quantity at this point. Be inspired by this story, know that you can do anything for a minute or 2. And to take advantage of your time, and the amazing body God gave to you. When exercising and you get to the point where you would normally stop because youre tired, push past it for 1 minute thats how you get out of the plateau and then the next time push it again by another minute, challenge your body, it can handle it, I promise. Your body will do, whatever your mind tells it to, whether you say you can or you cant, either way you're right. Stay strong, and be bold. Have a great week all.
Last week was a great week! Honestly, its all a blur. I found myself excited for everyday, yes even with the 7 hrs of working out. You know whats so beautiful about those 7 hrs? I see myself growing every hour, and I am surrounded by an amazing group of people who understand my struggle, and were all cheering each other on, and laughing, we become one big family, and we leave no one behind. Every Wednesday we do this cardio class called Mountain. Its where you get on a cardio machine(Elliptical, Tread Mill, Bike) and you try to keep a steady pace, while increasing your incline every 3 minutes, and you do that 8-10 times, so by those high numbers you feel as though youre actually climbing a mountain. Wednesdays, are always rough days at the Ridge because you're tired, your muscles are fatigued, and sometimes you feel as though youve got nothing left to give. Then there is this moment, it feels unreal, im right in the middle of climbing the mountain, its the middle of the day and week, and I look down at my treadmill and I realize that im jogging on an incline of 7, jogging. Oh the smile that came over my face, was enough to light a cave in the desert. I was so HAPPY! I could not have done that a month ago. Praise God!
Friday came and we have graduation every friday, where we celebrate our week and our accomplishments, and we give praise to those who are leaving. Its over all a good time. Our guest services manager, her name is Danae came to join us, a beautiful woman, who is kind but a pistol, hard core, and genuine, and she told a story that hasn't left my mind since. She stood up voice shaky, demeanor soft and she just told us how we cant give up, we have to fight like hell for ourselves. We hear that here often, so it just felt like the same old thing, but as she proceeded to talk she told us how here beautiful, smart, talented, daughter with a husband and young child has brain cancer. As I watch her face soaken with tears, and heart broken the fierceness in her voice, was enough to make me want to go and find a cure for her daughter. She said that we are all special, and worth it, and we have the chance to fight for our lives, and we should because we are able, over all healthy, and her daughter is sick, and becoming more immobile and she is fighting with all she has in her to LIVE. It moved me so much. I dont have cancer, I am an able body and I want to do more, see more, love more. It was an inspiring talk. I want to FIGHT, I need to. IF you think of it pray for this young woman, she is only 25, and has a lot to live for. Danae told me the Dr.'s said theres not much they can do. Its quality of life not quantity at this point. Be inspired by this story, know that you can do anything for a minute or 2. And to take advantage of your time, and the amazing body God gave to you. When exercising and you get to the point where you would normally stop because youre tired, push past it for 1 minute thats how you get out of the plateau and then the next time push it again by another minute, challenge your body, it can handle it, I promise. Your body will do, whatever your mind tells it to, whether you say you can or you cant, either way you're right. Stay strong, and be bold. Have a great week all.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
"Play Big"
Hello Friends, let me just say that as I write this, my eyes are heavy, my body achy and sore, my feet feel like bricks, did I mention my eyes are heavy? Sweet goodness, am I tired. Week 3 has definitely been the hardest so far for me. Week 3 is what I would call my "blah" week, yes I had my moments of pure joy, but mainly it was feelings of "I don't think my body can go on, what am I doing here, and I just wanna die right now." The beautiful thing is despite all those negative thoughts, fed directly from the enemy I got out of bed every morning by counteracting those thoughts by saying these words(Which one of the trainers says all the time) out loud, "You dont play small, you play big, because you can, and because youre worth it." Let me tell you it helps. Telling myself that Im worth it is a foreign concept to me, a phrase id toss out there to kind of test it out, and bring back in again because I just didnt feel or believe that about myself, truthfully I still dont, im getting there, and its a beautiful, wonderful thing. I met with the life coach here, who is absolutely out of this world amazing and she understands my feelings of not feeling worth it, or loveable, or different, or invisible, and she said to me, "You werent a mistake, you have a purpsose, and you are strong." That resonated with me, i sang it to myself when I was "running" on the treadmill, ok, jogging, I was jogging on the treadmill, and I may not believe fully that Im worth it, but after being here 3 weeks seeing the kind of stuff my body can do, I know im strong, and thats one thing I can focus on to make me better, because I want to see my purpose fulfilled. My roommate her name is Tawny, and she is incredible, weve become fast friends and she said being here at Fitness Ridge, gave her, her voice back. It really does, it challenges you, and pushes you, and wears you down, but it teaches and uplifts you even more. Ive never had so much confidence, here I dont feel fat, or ugly, or an outsider, im just me and that is just fine with everybody else. Thank you Jesus, for this second chance at life, at hope. I challenge you all this week, to challenge yourself to do something you never thought you could, even if its only for 5 minutes, like for me I ran sprints if you want to call them that up and down the basketball court, just 6, and it felt sooo good, I havent done that for years. "Try it, you'll love it."- Sharon Reade a trainer here. Blessings to you all. Play Big, because youre meant for big things.
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